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Within Reach

by Nikki Gray

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lyrics

According to many
I will never know love
Never truly experience
Its presence in my life
Not by romantic, platonic
Or familial means
Because I do not
Love myself

I’ve spent years
Wishing, praying, hoping
I could be different
Could change how I feel
About not just the girl
In the mirror
But the body she inhabits
The mind I find lacking
Or the beauty that escapes us
When self-reflecting
I can say I’m ok
I’m decent
Palatable
But I envy those
Who flaunt confidence
Like million-dollar suits
Who’s aura drips self-love
Like radiant cut diamonds

I have heard too many times
Nobody will love you
Until you love
Yourself first
Words meant to encourage
Self-love and self-care
But not every ear
That hears those words
Will hear the same thing
My ears echo back
Unlovable / unworthy
Nobody will ever love you
A statement that hangs
Love like a carrot
Just out of reach
All reward in one hand
And punishment in the other
When love of self
Is not achieved

The first time
I experienced love
I dared not call it such
For fear that it would realize
I was undeserving
Of such forbidden fruit
But it did not leave
Instead love mended
Wounds left neglected
Reminded me
My worth was inherent
Whether I could see that or not
Love did not judge
Did not abandon me

When I hear it said
Love is only accessible
To those who love
Themselves first
I can say
I have known love that bubble
Wraps me in hugs
For when self-hate
Has left me shattered
And my broken edges
Attempt to shred
Any hope of putting
My self-worth
Back together again

My love of self
Is still lacking
But love has taught me
If receiving it was conditional
It would not be love

I have known love
And know love
Despite not always loving myself

credits

released December 21, 2020

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about

Nikki Gray Atlanta, Georgia

Poet, spoken word artist, singer-songwriter, Nikki Gray is a multifaceted artist. Through her passion for words Nikki uses her talents as a voice for activism and advocacy. Many of her pieces speak to various social issues including racism, sexism, mental illness, domestic violence, and human trafficking. Nikki is currently working on her second, “Out of Focus”. ... more

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